So I’ve wanted to start a blog since I was thirteen. As I write this, I am five-ish months shy of my twenty-eighth birthday and I’m no math expert, but I think that works out to being the better part of my life. So why as it taken me this long to get up the nerve to sit down and start this thing? What has been holding me back from doing something that I’ve wanted to do for seemingly forever? I could probably give you a laundry list of half-baked excuses about time and the like but I want us to be friends and friends tell each other the truth. Even when that truth isn’t fun to say. So the truth is, the reason I haven’t taken the leap before now is a mix of a lot of things, but all of them seem to boil down to confidence.
I never thought I was smart enough , cool enough, pretty enough, interesting enough or an endless number of other adjectives that can be placed in front of enough to put myself out there and start a blog. I figured no one would want to read it, so what was the point. So what changed? Did I suddenly find a big bag of confidence stuffed in the back of a closet? I wish! No, I’m still filled with self doubt and worry but what really happened is this: I finally asked myself, not enough for who?
The answer hit me like a ton of bricks: Me. This idea of not being enough of anything was coming from me. No one else. I have been the only one telling myself that I can’t. I have been standing in my own way for the last fifteen years and have been the one telling myself no over and over again. As you can imagine, this isn’t a fun thing to realize. In fact it pretty much sucks. But I also realized this: I’m sick of it. I’m sick of worrying what everyone else will think of me and letting that dictate how I live my life. I’m sick of that feeling that “if only things were different, if only I were different, I could do it”.
The thing is, the only thing that needs to be different about me is that I need to stop thinking that what I am right now is not “enough”. So that’s what I’m going to try to do. I’m going to actively try to step out of my own way and give this thing a shot. And I’ll let you in on a little secret: I’m really excited about this. I’m excited to have a place to document the things I’m loving, the places I’m going, and all the changes that happen all the way. I’m really excited to start this journey and I hope you all will want to join me!
As the Wilderness explores in up say: Adventure is out there! So let’s stop standing in our own way and let’s go find it!
-Winnie Dear
Winnie Dear Wonders 